Limb Chicken
Active Member
I know most you have probably seen this but I get a kick out of it every time I read it!
Iowa Rule Book
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the
state...
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive one or get your girlie-car out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi; we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.
9. The Cyclones and Hawkeyes are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are hogs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 80 goes two ways...I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday.
18. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
19. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
Now, enjoy your visit to Iowa. Oh, and one last thought...."The "s" on the end of Des Moines is SILENT...."
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Go Early, Stay Late... Limb Chicken
Iowa Rule Book
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the
state...
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive one or get your girlie-car out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi; we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.
9. The Cyclones and Hawkeyes are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are hogs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 80 goes two ways...I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday.
18. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
19. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
Now, enjoy your visit to Iowa. Oh, and one last thought...."The "s" on the end of Des Moines is SILENT...."
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Go Early, Stay Late... Limb Chicken
